I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
