you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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