How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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