All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
