I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
