Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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