Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
