i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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