SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
