In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
is that a dick in a sweater?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize