i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
