After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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