You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
