Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize