Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize