i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
