Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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