It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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