I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
