When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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