I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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