Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
