so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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