I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
