Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize