so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
