sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dear god my vagina.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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