I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
