Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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