She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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