I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
