maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
