There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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