I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
