Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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