In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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