the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
