if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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