just tell him i said nine months
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And my parents said I crawled through the house
that may or may not have been my penis.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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