i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
