Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
