also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize