woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
