Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
