Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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