Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
