i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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