When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
