So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
