I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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