Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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