wat bout pragnant strippers??
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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