Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize