Please, let me fuck your mom
worst night to have a conscience
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
