I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
