no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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