You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
