I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
