if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
