saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize