Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
