So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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