So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
